Classic dad week this week.
Saturday I had my first experience of a soft play centre. As you know I’m late to this fathering business and I had previously managed to avoid such japes. However, B was as high as a 3 year old on red bull (other racing cars are available) and the weather was shocking. Luckily, his “girlfriend” was free, so me and Mrs DB spent a couple of hours watching young love blossom in a voyage of the damned recreation of some kind of pirate ship, painted all the colours that no one ever chooses off the Dulux colour chart (other condoms are available), whilst all the time avoiding the puddle of water in the corner which was either from the leaking roof, or the leaking toddler from the children’s party.
It wasn’t all that bad. Hang about, it was. It was like listening to the sound I imagine a lorry load of counterfeit Baby Annabell dolls make when they are shredded at the local recycling centre. All the while whilst trying to have a civilised conversation about my friend’s next career move… whilst the bar stool I was sitting on gradually deflated, so that every 3 minutes I had to get up, re gas my stool (never used that phrase before outside of my IBS Anonymous meetings), and tried to keep one shred of dignity. Never again.
I think we’re going Wednesday.
Today, we went to the zoo. Classic zoo trip!
And what do I mean by that? Me annoyed by a group of school kids trying to feed Cheetos to a cheetah? Me narked off with the price of the Cheetos in the café or the price of the cheetahs in the gift shop? Me seething due to all the cheetahs being too cold and not being arsed?
Of course not. Classic in that we saw a massive elephant erection.
I may be struggling for blog material but I’m not going to stoop that low. However, I have to say that Mrs DB handled it expertly (boom – couldn’t resist one knob gag) and I nearly gave old Dumbo a standing ovation. All in all B’s education has definitely moved past preschool this week.
Next week? Classic dad week again me thinks. I’m having a baby delivered this week and I think people are expecting me to know how to plug it in without a manual. I’ve been practising on Annabell, so we’ll be fine.
If you like my blog, please make a gorgeous, charming, clever little boy delighted and share it with your friends for me. B will be chuffed too. We would be most grateful. These cows aren’t going to buy themselves you know and as much as we love Auntie Sylvia, her telling her pals at the bowls club ain’t going to turn me and him into a virus. Thanks muchly…